I don't feel okay because for the past year he was just trying to hurt me and I didn't have anyone else. I can't take any more abuse and am ready to die. E will get me morphine. 

Cam messaged me out of the blue saying he’s sorry and had a dream about me, probably wants something. I feel messed up because I don’t want to talk with my rapist, I’ve been having ptsd flashbacks about him lately but I’m that lonely now. I was taking sleeping pills with alcohol when it happened. Idk why I’m still awake. I want to take more but have an appointment tomorrow. 

I just wish I was dead.