Day 11 continued

It's 3am and I can't sleep, and that means I'll miss my appointments tomorrow and let people down. Alarms can't wake me when I need sleep. So I feel gross, and I feel more gross reading the news. It's not a nice feeling that so many people are dead to me. Once I find out they want to take away my rights they become a target, not a person. I guess I dislike that it's people I've known personally. All I can think about is that it's in my best interest for them to die. I have so many enemies. I think I want to avoid getting to know people for this reason. There's no point in befriending people if you know you could suddenly see them as a target. I've decided that if Mark doesn't make me smile today then I'm going to forget him. I haven't been able to tell if he improves my mood or not, I haven't really thought about it.