my dress and said he's buying me lingerie, we're gonna meet at the beach. What's freaking me out is I don't have any interest in him, I'm demisexual and he cross-dresses so I know this is fucked. I've never been into sleeping around casually, have only had sex with one guy, so I'm scared I'm not gonna be able to go through with it and it's just the vodka that's been leading him on. It's probably the hypnotherapy telling me to have more fun, so that's scary. Can hypnosis override my demisexual nature? We'll see. I can't say what I did today because I don't remember. I have to be up at 6am for a botox appointment. I have had 13 units of vodka so may throw up. I need a hug and to be sober. I saw a motorbike today that looked rusted and could have been from the 40s, it had German iron crosses on it. Ig I'm worried I'm gonna have sex with him then freak after, come back to myself. Rn I'm thinking I need a support network irl and a rich a man is a good man is good bet, can protect me from fascism if it rears its head. He's a switch so ik he's safe.
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