Day 14

I didn't get enough sleep, went to my Botox appointment in Belfast. On the way there I thought I was going to have a heart attack, couldn't take deep breath and chest felt tight, veins sticking out on my hands. I thought about going to the hospital after the appointment but you can't lay down for two hours after Botox and I just wanted to go home to sleep. I picked up some feminist books in a charity bookstore. Sitting on a city hall bench a man started talking to me, wanted to talk about the troubles and tried to find out which background I was from. I could have told him since I'm mixed so off the hook for hate but it's best to say nothing. Being reticent regarding that shit and the past is what's expected. Got back to my town and went to the beach. I saw that a large spine washed up and am not sure what creature it came from, it could have been human but was probably a dolphin. Got home and chilled with my cat in the garden. I am wrecked now so am going to sleep. I don't feel okay, I need to go back to my hypnotherapy routine. Yesterday I listened to five tracks. Last night I exchanged nudes with Mark and we're planning a date. It's hard to find peace outdoors because it feels ominous knowing what's to come, what threats I have to face, that it's all going to fall apart if I don't do something now. Men should burn in hell.