Day 9

I dreamt that I was escaping some place with people and think I had powers, then a country lane what is following us invisibly at first becomes a black carriage, and a dead Victorian woman steps out. She wants to join us because she's been alone but we can't let her, we can't let her know she's dead or why we can see her. Into the forest, disturbing hippies and Enrique Iglesias is among them, and there's this portrait which I find is real, of a girl with black hair wearing a black dress, her eyes are dead white, a sadist tortured her to death. 

The dreams I remember are usually nightmares. Having magical powers in them hasn't happened since I was 20, so I will listen to the 'Believe in yourself' hypnosis track a few more times. I will take an over-inflated ego if it means I can have nice dreams. I feel intune with my subconscious enough that I can recognise its work, it is making me listen to hours of hypnosis daily to shed my personality and become a weapon. Next up is courage, take responsibility and be more charismatic, so I can fight patriarchy. When I first read Neuromancer at 23 I identified with Armitage. Now even more so. He became what he was by hypnosis creating a split personality so he became a weapon without a person. Consciously I thought I was immersing myself in hypnosis to prevent a breakdown, to cope, but I did add tracks like believe in yourself and overcome writer's block, so now I know what my subconscious wants. It wants me to become a weapon. I wonder if other people relate to their subconscious this way. I do things without knowing why then the plot becomes clear to me. Now the news does not worry me and I don't feel pressure to plot things, I know the plots will come to me, I don't need a conscious mind for this war. 

I suspect I still am under hypnosis, since I have reduced awareness of physical sensations. If that is the case I must be careful with what media I consume.